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Robert McNeill

Cheryl Cole

Cheryl, this is why you should stick to a dress

What is happening in women's trousers? Barely a day goes by without headlines screaming about some female celebrity peculiarly clad below the waist.

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Inside Robert McNeill

Imagine what it would be like to live on Lennon's Irish desert isle

Friday, 28 September 2012

You could happily go off your onion on an island. Good place to do it. Generally speaking, it's other people who drive folk doolally, particularly on islands and other backward rural areas.
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Why I'd rather cut short my life ...

Friday, 28 September 2012

After giving it considerable thought, I have decided not to get castrated. You say: "But why would you even consider such a thing? Do you wish to lose a lot of weight?"
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Sleuth Sarah is a fair(isle) cop to me ...

Friday, 21 September 2012

Some people would kill for a Sarah Lund pullover. I wouldn't go that far, but I'm definitely a pullover person.
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You'll pay dearly to be entertained on the high street

Friday, 21 September 2012

Elegies are being written for the high street. I won't join in. There's something pleasant about bobbing hither and thither on a sea of greed made up of your fellow shoppers.
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There's a fat chance of getting thin just by relying on your luck

Friday, 21 September 2012

The public's appetite for news about fat people expands daily. The latest intelligence suggests that persons who trust in fate or luck are more likely to become lardular.
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Robbie gives us a few home truths from abroad

Thursday, 13 September 2012

I’ve always liked Robbie Williams, ever since he presented a travel programme on the television.
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Just like Stalin, I’m seeing red over house prices

Thursday, 13 September 2012

Listen to this: “Mankind is divided into rich and poor, into property owners and exploited.” Wise words indeed. You can feel a fine mix of compassion and outrage behind them. Alas, I fear the latter came to predominate in the writer. His name was Joseph Stalin.
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Nerds leave me lost for words over Kindle

Thursday, 13 September 2012

I’m developing a contempt for nerds. It started when I noticed their knowledgable reviews of gadgets missed out obviously important aspects, such as whether the item was actually available.
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Have you got a moment, Gwen?

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Bit of Buddhism from Gwen Stefani, the top singer who is 42 years old. Didn’t mean to spell that out so bluntly or make a point. I was just telling you everything I know about her.
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How Dutch courage will leave them seeing red

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Hooray for Holland. It’s too liberal a country in many ways, the men are too tall, and I’m told by ootlanders who live there that there’s a widespread arrogance typical of your Teuton.
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Kerry and Jasmine really should have a twitter of wit

Thursday, 6 September 2012

Scary gals Kerry Katona and Jasmine Lennard have been having a right good go at each other online.
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I'm tempted to sell my house so that I can buy one of Apple's gadgets

Friday, 31 August 2012

I'm losing track of who's suing whom over what between Apple, Samsung, and all the other gadget godfathers of the world.
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Posh will never bag place with the Amish

Friday, 31 August 2012

Beards news, and a trial has begun in Americashire of Amish men and women who snipped the bristles of their fellow weirdies.
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Why I'll be hard pushed to find better mower

Friday, 31 August 2012

A retired doctor in yonder Oxfordshire has won an award for Britain's best lawn.
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Maybe Julian wants to look like Mr Humphries and say he’s free

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has raised many important issues surrounding freedom of information, dictatorships, and diplomatic hypocrisy. However, his new haircut really is appalling.
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There’s nothing you can say at dinner parties, so best to get drunk

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Two words are guaranteed to strike terror into normal, well adjusted human beings: dinner party.
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Drowned drumlins, jellyfish called Frank Zappa ... isn’t science strange?

Thursday, 23 August 2012

How one feels sorry for the bryozoans and hydroids of Strangford Lough. The shy, retiring filter feeders are having their tranquil lives interrupted by boffins pointing and making notes.
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Bet Van didn't think he would be so lucky

Friday, 17 August 2012

The world reeled back in shock on hearing that Jean-Claude Van Damme had slept - in the non-sleeping sense - with Kylie Minogue.
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Chocolate doesn't just make you fat, it broadens the mind, too

Friday, 17 August 2012

I'm about to up my chocolate intake. Don't try to stop me. I will flatten you like a steamroller over a flea. You say: "We've only got your health at heart.
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